tired or renewed, excited or sad, the list goes on…

1 08 2010

My feelings at this moment are very mixed.  Up to this point (about a week now in the US) I have been so grateful to be back.  I love being with my family and seeing my friends….I can’t tell you how much I enjoy being around familiar sights and sounds.  Just to comprehend the language and really get to talk to people has been nice too….that all has been great for me, but now I feel like I am forgetting Mexico.  My thoughts are now on the present and my current needs/thoughts/and things of my heart.  I guess that is to be expected, I eventually need to realize that living here and doing what I am doing is reality, I am no longer on a mission trip in Mexico.

Tonight I was on facebook and I saw that I was tagged in another 20 photos from my new friends in Mexico.  That was great for me to see, but then I was sad because I feel so disconnected from them and their culture.  I am starting to feel like a part of me, a VERY important part of me, is slipping away.  The memories are still in my head, but they don’t feel as real to me anymore.  I expected some of these feelings, but I NEVER thought that I would feel this attachment to Mexico: the friends, sights, sounds, and culture.  Why is apart of my life and heart left behind in Mexico?  Is that would it means to sacrifice for others and give of one’s self?

I think I may be tired, and still not rested from my trip.  Two months of intense ministry and work for Him and now where do I go?  Home……then school…..then what?  I thought that I would feel more direction and clarification in my call, and not confusion.  I know these thoughts are for my better – I know that God is challenging and making me work hard to figure this out.  Ugh…..God give me the strength, I can’t move on and grow without You, especially now!

Help me to…

-Pray daily and with purpose

-Remember those I met in Mexico & introducing their lives to others

- Share the story of Your work this summer when people ask

-Become the man of God You have prepared me to be

-Give it all to You, the good and the bad, everything in between

Thanks to reading along…..this posts have been a way for me to get my thoughts out, many times I just don’t know how to pray or talk about my feelings, so this helps.  Please continue to follow along, I KNOW that God has something for us to discover in the next few weeks.  God bless you this week!  

[nate]

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One response

2 08 2010
Alison Weinstock

Nate- I totally understand the sense of loss and confusion you are experiencing. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I returned home from PNG. It’s OK to feel that way, just keep giving it all to Jesus and let Him help you sift through it all.

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